Goal/Problem: Fear of hurting others (after further analysis with my coach it turned into a fear of hurting women).
Date: November 2017
Technique: Regression therapy
Summary: I have had a trend of hurting women emotionally. I adore women, yet I end up in situations where I hurt them. My mother and ex-girlfriends specifically. I could not end the last relationship I was in because the intense guilt that manifested when thinking about hurting her. The feelings of guilt were so strong the relationship ended up dragging out much longer than it should have.
Memory: I went back to a memory of complete darkness and I heard swallowing and gurgling. I was in my mother’s womb. It was the moment when my father learned of the pregnancy with me and the stress in his life was already extremely high. The relationship between him and my mother was not working and he had a drinking problem. I was not planned. He was not excited to hear about the news of me.
We went to another memory later in the pregnancy and it was my mother and father fighting in the kitchen. He stayed out late and came home drunk and my mother and my father got into a huge argument. I find this next part out while talking about the pregnancy with my mother. She ended up in the hospital and stayed there for the last trimester. She was not taking any medication for her bipolar while she was pregnant with me, but the stress of my father’s drinking triggered a bipolar episode and she ended up in the hospital. They put her on a small dose of medication during that period of time.
Belief: I was a mistake and created added stress to my parents; especially my father. This stress caused conflict between my parents and my father’s actions towards my mother caused her to get sick and she ended up in the hospital. She hates hospitals. Hence, I hurt women. I also created the belief that I am unwanted.
*I understand this might seem implausible but this is what transpired in the session and I’m sharing my experience. This is my reality and I was able to collaborate and validate some of the memories with my mother.
Result: First of all, having vivid memories of what was occurring in the external world while in my mother’s womb and me being able to tap into those memories is eerie and exciting. Doing a natal regression will change your beliefs system. The belief of hurting women stemmed as an unconscious belief but I’ve said it to myself countless times over my lifetime. I developed a better reasoning of why this occurs. The moments I hurt women have occurred in one of these two situations. 1) Emotional Immaturity and allowing my impulsive emotions to manifest and 2) Alcohol and acting out during this uninhibited state. These are not excuses to why I hurt women, but merely a better understanding to the causation. Since I’ve emotionally matured and quit drinking I no longer have to worry about this situation arising in my present or future life. Having complete control over my thoughts and actions assures me that I will treat women the way I believe women and all creatures should be treated, with kindness and respect.